From An Imperfect Mom !

Today morning, As I was checking my what’s app and Facebook, I realised It is Mother’s Day. A few months before, I would have been one, posting a pic of me and my son, and then checking for likes the whole day, waiting for notifications to beep.

 After the facebook and what’s app detox, not only my mobile battery lasts longer, also I have more time to pursue and I am able to keep my mind clutter free from Religion, Government, and Idealised families.

As per me, Once a woman always a mother. I don’t think giving birth to someone makes one a mother. Females have this caring and compassionate attitude right from childhood. I have seen little girls, caring for their younger siblings, as if they are the mothers.

But, Motherhood is a tough job. Right from the time you conceive one, the girl in you stops existing, and everyone from your parents, In-laws, your partner all are concerned only about the welfare of the little being. From morning sickness to sleeplessness in the third trimester,  it all shouts loud and clear that your life ahead is going to be a rollercoaster.

You feel Oh, soon he will be big, and I won’t have to worry about his nappies or feeding schedules, but the truth is each stage comes with its own set of curious problems, unique to each kid and his mum.

When my little one was small, feeding him was a problem, he never was hungry enough. Now, he is big keeping him away from Junk food is a problem.

For many making a child sleep at night is a trouble, for me making him sleep during the day is a trouble.

We Indian parents have another unique problem of scholastic and moral expectations. However, I might try to keep myself aloof and not fall into the typical competitive mom syndrome, Still every few days we both will be in the war zone, with me of opinion that he is not making enough effort in studies. And then, after every such episode, I will realise that I should not really have lost my calm, and I try to convince myself that each child is unique and he will find some aim in his life. Ah, Womania!

Only, yesterday I got in late with a meeting and walked home when it was already his sleeping time. To my absolute horror, he was trying to sleep without packing school bag and having his dinner.  Was totally unresponsible from a Type A personality like me, but for my lazy sweet kid, he just forgot and now when I am looking from his point of view, it wasn’t really such a big fuss!

So, this Mother’s day I decide to just enjoy these sweet moments and not let the typical Competitive Indian mom empower me.

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Though we are mothers 24 X 7 till we die, and we do not need another day to celebrate the unique creatures we are..

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Climbing The Ladder of Success

via Daily Prompt: Climbing

” You never have time for us.”

“Couldn’t you spare one hour for his dance performance ?”  I could still hear my wife’s voice in my head.

“Dad! Why didn’t u come? All my friend’s fathers were there, clicking their photographs. Why couldn’t you come?” My son’s pleas were drowned in the bottle of whiskey.

How could I make them understand that the meeting had been really important? If I could negotiate this project, and get it in my kitty, I could be the next General Manager of the group.

“Why are you looking so sullen?” Ria walked in.

Her infectious smile made me forgot the scene that had happened at my home just an hour before. A little peck on my cheek, made me feel at the top of the world.

“Hey, that meeting was wonderful! The clients are happy and hopefully, if all goes well, the contract will be signed in by Monday morning.” Ria filled me in with more information.

“Oh, Ria! You are such a darling! You always take away my worries. Come give me a hug”

A few hours later, Ria and I were entwined in some hotel room, all worries of not being able to go for my son’s performance were long forgotten.

Monday morning, the contract was signed. Another great performance by me for my company. Ria and I celebrated.

My family would never understand what all I did for them? After all, who else enjoyed my hard earned money.

A few days later, a new GM joined some bigwig from IIMs with a great profile from a Hongkong based MNC.

I kept sulking in the corner. So much effort I had put in to get this company to this heights and now they brought in a New GM. Ria was busy catering to the new boss.

I went home early. My wife and son were waiting there still for me.

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The Day He spoke

Speak out

“If i speak what’s in my mind, people will judge me.” So continued his thoughts and she kept silencing himself.

It had been 100 days, he was in and out of the self imposed coma.

“What, if he tells his  parents, they will say it was all his fault! ”

“What, if he tells his friends, they will think, he had been stupid always!”

The thoughts kept popping in his mind and there was no outlet.

Soon, this will end! How long can this ordeal last.Surely, not life long !

That day he decided he would end this. He couldn’t bear  the pain anymore, so he ran, kept running long after the race was over. He ran till he fell in the middle of the playground.

Everyone thought exhaustion.

No one noticed why he had become so withdrawn?

Years passed, soon that pain was forgotten and hushed into the dark corners of memory.

Since last few weeks, he had been noticing a younger student of his withdrawn and lost.

He tried to befriend him and understand what was troubling him. The more he tried, more away he would push him.

Something was wrong somewhere. He felt like he was watching a mirror.

Slowly, he tried to encourage the boy and open up. He realised, like him he was being sexually assaulted by close family friend.

He could not let silence prevail now. This time he had to let the world know. He had to speak out. He encouraged the boy to reveal to the parents who immediately took steps to stop that person from harassing the young boy anymore. Also, they took him to psychologist who helped him deal with the trauma.

Sexual abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of gender. Sexual abuse in young boys is as common. However, it is much underreported due to the skewed concept of masculinity. Always be open with your kids, and be it boys or girls and let them know the difference between safe and unsafe touch.

Statistics indicate about 1 in 5 girls and 1 in 20 boys are victim of child sex abuse. (   https://victimsofcrime.org/media/reporting-on-child-sexual-abuse/child-sexual-abuse-statistics )

Comments such as  “Males don’t cry. Males do not acknowledge pain” make it more likely for them to carry on with the suffering unheard”

So spread awareness and Help someone you can.

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Source : pinterest.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  Silences and conversations

Speech is silver, silence is gold.

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courtesy : www. pinterest.com

 

This was what I learnt all my life. If someone hurls you abuses, don’t reply back, just stay silent. If you don’t agree, don’t get into arguments, just keep silent. If you don’t like something, just keep it to yourself. For silence is golden.

All this seemed believable. Why get into unnecessary drama?

Till recently, I came across two real scenarios.

Scenario 1

A picture perfect relation. The couple who never fight. A relationship you look upto.   Made for each other types, who can understand each other, just by looking at one another. Never have any fights, no arguments. No one would say a thing, that would hurt each other. So much so that, they avoid any argument. Yet there are things which trobule either of them. So Both look for conversations outside the marriage. They love each other so much that they cannot not hurt one another.

Scenario 2

A not so perfect couple. They fight over petty things. They too love each other, so much so that they can’t sleep till there are unresolved issues. Yet they will have an argument, they will fight and still be together. Yet their hearts are clear, no hidden feelings.

Which one would you like to have?

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courtesy : buzzle.com

 

How is a relation without the deep meaningful conversations? Hollow, empty from within. You may talk about everything, yet if in a relation, you don’t talk to each other about your deepest fears, if you fail to sit and discuss with each other what you disagree on, there will be always gap in that relationship. You will look for validation not from within, not from spouse, but you will try to find a validation in the outside world. This can become a seed for extramarital affairs.

So, when something troubles you, go and speak up. It’s not the viewpoints which hurt, but sometimes the way or the tone in which they are said hurt people. So, find what troubles and try to put your argument in a different way.

But converse, and break your silence especially for the people who matter.

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Courtesy : http://www.rishikajain.com

You wronged me.

When I was small, I looked at you Like my Father, brother or a friend.

As i grew bigger, I realized you do not look at me the same way.

The changes in my body, have made you drool over me.

Yet, I am not an object of lust.

Most of us even in India have a privilege of being born in safe secure homes, where we are loved, respected and protected by our families. We grow up looking at  our fathers and brothers, on how male figures are in a female’s life and look around trusting them. We go to schools and colleges, and make friends with boys, and that trust is there coz that’s what we have learnt. We marry and entrust our husbands with all the faith.

We come from the land of Durga and Saraswati.We come from the land where Female power is the supreme, Where without a GAURI POOJAN, even A GANESH UTSAV is not complete. We come from the land where, a female goddess is worshipped before every occasion.

Today, in that same land, I do not feel safe. If i wear skirt,unseen eyes imagine rest of my legs. If i wear Jeans and a top, unfelt hands imagine them over me.

When Nirbhaya was rapped, it was not she alone, but all the wives, sisters and daughters were rapped enmasse.

When few days before, few men who walked on streets of bangalore, it was not just those females, we all were wronged by the entire generation of males.

Let us stop expecting from the society to change, Come let’s empower each one of us and fight for us.

 

 

 

 

Journey

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Photo Credits : Dr Prashant Nasa; Munnar, Kerala, India

via Photo Challenge: Path

The woods are lovely dark and deep, 

But I have promises to keep; 

And Miles to go before I sleep.

Robert Frost 

 

When we are small, we enjoy each moment and live in present. But as we grow up, we forget how to enjoy and immerse ourselves in the rat race of life. We wait for the next event, next birthday, next anniversary and so on.

Life is a celebration. The real enjoyment, the celebration is the journey itself. When we take a holiday, we start enjoying ourselves right from the moment we start our journey. We enjoy at airport, in the flight and then at the place we intended to go. But in the daily mundane of life, we forget this. Each day is a journey we have to relish. We do not have to wait till we reach the end to enjoy.

So, from today try to find pleasures in the path you have chosen each day.

 

Skewed “Feminism”

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Source : Hungerbrain.com

Three things happened in the last month.

First, was the movie PINK, a bold statement about respecting female choices. I wrote about that earlier. The movie was a frank resonance of all the educated girls in Indian subcontinent. The movie brought hope, my India is changing.
Second, was that Indian Supreme Court judgement which said a Hindu boy could divorce his wife, if she prevents him for staying with his aged parents. Though the decision was part ok that it upheld care of old parents, but the lack of a parallel thinking about wife’s parents and about the parents who did not have son, made the above judgement appear hollow. All the elders be it boy’s / girl’s parents need love, respect and care.
In Indian society, traditionally a girl moves to a boy’s house after marriage. In older days, this was more for economic reasons, as the sons were the earning members and girls were the homemakers. These days, at times both boys and girls move out, may be for better career prospects or lack of space in existing houses.
But coming from the honorable supreme court a statement to the effect “It is not a common practice or desirable culture for a Hindu son in India to get separated from his parents on getting married at the instance of the wife, especially when the son is the only earning member in the family. A son, brought up and given education by his parents, has a moral and legal obligation to take care and maintain the parents, when they become old and when they have either no income or have a meagre income.” So the basic ethos of this judgement left me depressed. A son is a son, has all the right to be with his family. What about girls? So should all women bring up divorce where in many families, they have to take a permission for even visiting their parents. These days, parents spend on education and upbringing of both, so what about the moral and legal obligation of girl child. HAS SHE RIGHT TO DIVORCE HER HUSBAND, IF HE REFUSES TO ALLOW HER TO CARE FOR HER PARENTS? It is the responsibility of both spouses to take care of either set of parents, that is what Indian culture is.
Last, was Chetan Bhagat’s One Indian girl. Considering it was the same author who gave us Five point someone , 2 states.. I held him in considerable awe. So I had high hopes with this one as well. But Alas, I’m greatly disappointed with his definition of feminism.
Feminism does not mean A women earning high salary, drinking alcohol, doing drugs or wearing short dresses. 
The protagonist ” Radhika Mehta” works in a high ended bank, earns a big fat salary, but all the time she needs approval from the male counterparts for her looks, her clothes. The first part in New york city, she gets in Live in relationship with a bengali boy, Debu who works in advertising. The boy is insecure because she earns more than him. In the next part, when she moves to HongKong, she falls in for her boss, Neel who is 20 years elder, married and in this part it seems, sex is the only thing on her mind. Finally, when she goes for a groom search, she rejects boys just because they are earning less than her or are ugly to look at. So where is feminism now. All throughout the book, her stand for feminism is getting her legs waxed, drinking alcohol and falling in for guys to prove that she is not a nerd.
Feminism is equal rights and respect for either sexes. Both are incomplete without each other, Be it Shiv- Parvati, Radha-Krishna, our traditional Indian culture stresses the importance of both. Over the centuries, the females began to be treated as subordinates, and though we pray to female goddesses, yet in many homes, females are mistreated.
Infact, till now in many states, sex ratio is skewed, coz of female feticide. Male child is the preferred one. Obviously because he is going to be there till end while female will get married and go to other family. Again, females are subjected to sexual crimes, and whenever such a thing happens, girls are blamed. Feminism is this basic demand of right to live, live with dignity and not be judged for where it was not her fault.

They are judged each and every day over what they wear, how they talk, what they do? Whether she is married or not married,there will be moral codes for her. If she is housewife, she will be questioned, what she did whole day. If she is work woman, still she has to manage both fronts. Though scenarios are changing but still people who come out in support are miniscule. Feminism, means this equality for basic rights, right to live, right to education, right to make her own choices. This does not translate to alcohol binging, having sex on fantasy islands and so on projected by Mr Chetan Bhagat. If extra marital affair is wrong for one, it is for either. If drinking alcohol is bad for one, it is for either. Those who do not drink, are not backward, and they might be more feminist than Radhika Mehta.
Though you interviewed so many females, you have still got us wrong, Mr Chetan Bhagat.
Yes, we need to be loved..but we do not want appreciation just to complete ourselves.

Yes, we do love our financial independence, but that does not mean that a woman who by choice gets married at 21, is in anyways less than one who didn’t.

What we wear does not give us a label of feminist…yes what we think defines that.

One Indian Girl … By Chetan Bhagat… Not Recommended.