I is the Ego

” I ”

A single alphabet which should always be capitalised when written alone, even though written in the middle of a sentence.

A one alphabet word which won’t ever let you surrender.

I am me.

I did this for you.

I like this

And I hate this

I will not ever talk to you.

I will be the best

This I in our lives is the ego. Our identity, created by our magnanimous minds. The false self which lives within each of us. Our persona, our talent, our abilities and this I and me lurk behind them and keep giving us the power to rule our own lives. If I could be stopped here, the world would have been a better place.

But I never stops there. I wants to rule the close family, friends, peer groups and so on. When this I takes on this negative trend.I becomes the ego, giving us the feelings of insecurity, anger, jealousy and so forth.

But can we do away with ego? No..If I don’t worth myself, I will be depressed, worthless.

So what do we do?

Have a balance of our positive and negative self. Let go of the feelings which cause unhappiness. Let our positive self-emerge from the false persona we live in. And where I becomes a trouble, let it be replaced by We.

  Silences and conversations

Speech is silver, silence is gold.

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courtesy : www. pinterest.com

 

This was what I learnt all my life. If someone hurls you abuses, don’t reply back, just stay silent. If you don’t agree, don’t get into arguments, just keep silent. If you don’t like something, just keep it to yourself. For silence is golden.

All this seemed believable. Why get into unnecessary drama?

Till recently, I came across two real scenarios.

Scenario 1

A picture perfect relation. The couple who never fight. A relationship you look upto.   Made for each other types, who can understand each other, just by looking at one another. Never have any fights, no arguments. No one would say a thing, that would hurt each other. So much so that, they avoid any argument. Yet there are things which trobule either of them. So Both look for conversations outside the marriage. They love each other so much that they cannot not hurt one another.

Scenario 2

A not so perfect couple. They fight over petty things. They too love each other, so much so that they can’t sleep till there are unresolved issues. Yet they will have an argument, they will fight and still be together. Yet their hearts are clear, no hidden feelings.

Which one would you like to have?

silence-is-gold
courtesy : buzzle.com

 

How is a relation without the deep meaningful conversations? Hollow, empty from within. You may talk about everything, yet if in a relation, you don’t talk to each other about your deepest fears, if you fail to sit and discuss with each other what you disagree on, there will be always gap in that relationship. You will look for validation not from within, not from spouse, but you will try to find a validation in the outside world. This can become a seed for extramarital affairs.

So, when something troubles you, go and speak up. It’s not the viewpoints which hurt, but sometimes the way or the tone in which they are said hurt people. So, find what troubles and try to put your argument in a different way.

But converse, and break your silence especially for the people who matter.

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Courtesy : http://www.rishikajain.com

Dad: I miss you.

Parenting is indeed a tough job. No two kids, nor any parents are alike. Each learns by his/her own mistakes, and hit and trial. My little one is usually a happy go kid who will mix up with everyone and enjoy each moment to hilt. I have this amazing memory in my closet which always reminds that it’s not just a caretaker which a child needs, but the presence of both father and mother for his optimum growth and development.

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Source : Pinterest.com

This was in year 2011. My son was 2 and a half years old. Usually, fathers take an excuse at this age and keep busy that a child won’t notice his absence. But this is not really so. Right from a small age, they get accustomed to the faces around them and miss them when not around.

In March 2011, my husband went for a conference to Brussels, Belgium. It was a 7 days trip and he was due to be back on Sunday evening. Sunday morning, I received a call from my husband that due to bad weather conditions, his flight was cancelled and he was trying for the next available booking.

My son was already curious since last two days and i could sense he was missing him. We had been telling him that he would be back on Sunday, but now this new development was difficult to be explained to a 2 year old.  He was stressed why dad is not around and was chit chatting only about him. ” My dad is my Jaan and I am My Dad’s Jaan.” I can never forget this sentence of his and he repeated this sentence to anyone he saw that day.

By evening, he was restless. I made him sleep early and told him that tomorrow morning when he wakes up, he would find his dad home. That night, he woke up 4 to 5 times. Each time, he would wake up, he would look outside, and since it would be dark outside, he would sleep again.

Finally, he woke up at 5 am in the morning. It was already dawn outside…No more dark that means Morning! ” Where is  Papa? You said he would be home when i wake up in morning!” and he started crying.  Dad’s  flight was not expected another half an hour so i just tried to calm him and cuddle him. He was not ready to drink milk…nothing he just needed his dad. So i tried to call my husband at around 6 am and luckily his flight had landed.  He spoke to him and assured that by the time he finishes his milk, he would be home.

So with the milk cup in hand, we both moved to our balcony. May be by now, even God took pity on this little child and by the time, he finished his milk, we spotted his cab. That smile on his face…I can never forget.

Who says …Kids do not miss their dads!

Mother and father both play an important role in the upbringing of child. Both complement each other and one cannot do without other. Mother is the constant love, care and security a child has. Father is the encouragement to take risk, be confident, move independently and go ahead. Father is the feeling that i will hold you in case you fall.  Mother shows you the way, while father lets you find your own.

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Source : The fresh quotes

 

Let Go!

There will be times in your life when you will be hurt by people close to you. If you keep holding to those events, you will get trapped in the vicious cycle of depression, anger and loneliness. At those times, It is important to Forgive and Let go!

Let go all the negative thoughts!

Let go all  the anger and resentment you might have!

For none other than you gets hurt if you keep dwelling on those thoughts!

Talk out and clarify the situation. Talk with the person involved. In case, you cannot talk with that person. Talk to your close friends. Imagine the situation that person might have been and why he did that or said that. Forgiveness does not mean that you excuse the act. A wrongdoing can not be denied. But yes, Forgiveness will give you peace to move on with your own life.

Give a vent to your feelings!

Write them down!

Speak about them!

Cry as much as you can!

But only to release the resentment and not to remember it.

Sit silent and Meditate.

Find time for yourself and involve yourself in constructive activities

Listen to Music

Read Books.

Forgive others, not because they need forgiveness, but because you need peace.

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Love

Not all love stories are tragic, nor do all have a happy ending. Love is in fact a roller coaster of emotions.Have you ever sat on that big roller coaster, which goes slowly up and then in a jiffy goes down, again slows up and again in a speed goes down. All you are thinking then is when will this ordeal end. Why did you go for it? Yet, when it comes to an end…you come out smiling and tell others, it was just “Wow”.

Love is like that. Knowing it is gonna be a tough ride, you embark on it, there are beautiful moments on the way..for some less…for some more…and then there are dangerous paths…but still you keep going…It’s not a road you can leave.  But still you will say It’s just Wow.

Do’s And Dont’s

Pregnancy is the most amazing as well as the most paranoid time in a female’s life, Thanks to our culture, especially Indian scenario.

My son is 7.5 now, but still, whenever I think about those days, I still get jitters.
The day u marry, you are supposed to procreate or else Relatives won’t even mind asking Do you know how to do? ( though it is a taboo) ��. I waited for my doctorate to complete before I took in the plunge, so I had all possible sorts of reaction from everywhere. And If I would say I’m still not ready. I would be thought of as an Alien����.
Once the Good news chips in, there comes the other set of advice.
One particular I remember is Drinking Juice. I had much trouble keeping in what I ate so I would stick to eating fruits. But my in-laws family felt juice is the only nutrition … ��How could I make them understand juice is made from the same fruit. So one fine day, my husband in full josh picked me from my workplace and took me to juice shop and ordered me to drink One large full glass of juice. I obliged.No sooner I reached back home, I vomited full and couldn’t have anything till next morning. So that put a full stop to my Juice saga.
I think in everyone’s pregnancy one or the other eclipse comes to add to all the other problems. I was in my 3rd trimester when the same happened with me. And what a timing it had… The time office ends. How don’t u go out? Being a doctor .. I’m a little more cynical about these things. I fully remember it was just a lunar eclipse. As always after much convincing, I was allowed to come back home .. And after that had to take a rigorous bath and donate the clothes I was wearing.
To add to my worries, my Blood pressure kept shooting up in last trimester .. Giving me severe headaches, frequent visits to my gynaec .. And I was thought of as lazy, not willing to work, how will she care for newborn? Etc etc.
Their kids had been born healthy without so many visits to the doctor, and I could not explain why I needed one.
“So many ultrasounds will have a bad impact on baby!
Lol! I did not know what to do?
Ah to add the icing to the cake, my doctor told coz of the worsening BP we will have to deliver the baby prematurely. As it was getting dangerous to keep it inside. So my baby came into this world 1 month prior to his expected schedule .. And that too by Caesarean section, and on the day of another eclipse. And was underweight only 1.9 kgs
Couldn’t have asked for more… It was all my fault. I ate wrong in pregnancy .. I didn’t keep inside in eclipse. I got too many ultrasounds….
Could I have had just peace of mind wouldn’t it be better?
Now comes the Postpartum .. Where the only person wrong is the mother who has brought that baby.
So it was with me. I had postpartum depression . But all I had was scornful eyes and comments coz I needed my mother by my side.
My milk was bad
My everything was wrong
Today when I look back I laugh at many things.  But what I strongly feel is that this is a time when a woman needs love … At least her husband can understand and be by her side … But Indian families have to still come a long way
I decided never to have another baby again … But I sincerely pray that the sooner we realise what we owe to the one who brings life to the world better it is.