I is the Ego

” I ”

A single alphabet which should always be capitalised when written alone, even though written in the middle of a sentence.

A one alphabet word which won’t ever let you surrender.

I am me.

I did this for you.

I like this

And I hate this

I will not ever talk to you.

I will be the best

This I in our lives is the ego. Our identity, created by our magnanimous minds. The false self which lives within each of us. Our persona, our talent, our abilities and this I and me lurk behind them and keep giving us the power to rule our own lives. If I could be stopped here, the world would have been a better place.

But I never stops there. I wants to rule the close family, friends, peer groups and so on. When this I takes on this negative trend.I becomes the ego, giving us the feelings of insecurity, anger, jealousy and so forth.

But can we do away with ego? No..If I don’t worth myself, I will be depressed, worthless.

So what do we do?

Have a balance of our positive and negative self. Let go of the feelings which cause unhappiness. Let our positive self-emerge from the false persona we live in. And where I becomes a trouble, let it be replaced by We.

DELETE

When God made the woman, he forgot to give them the delete button. They will remember each and every date, every conversation they had with their husband/In-laws, each and every occasion where she did not get her due, all the events when the husband made a mistake. This list is endless especially when the party involved is Husband. I do not know whether to sympathise with the husband or her?

 

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Well, males have their brains conditioned and anything that is not important will not get registered in their brains. So, all this endless cribbing will lead you nowhere ladies!

Instead, focus on your own peace of mind. Well, like as kids when we wanted to learn something, we would keep revising it. Here, what we have to do is the reverse. Every time, we are reminded of such things/events which threaten our peace of mind, we have to consciously shift our focus and think about something else. In simple words, just stop thinking about it. Stop probing it. Sooner or later, it will be marked for Deleting.

 

Investing in your married life.

tmptmpimgA few years back,  I always used to be that nagging wife, as my husband was always overworked. I would barely see him home as he was always so busy climbing up the ladders of success and hardly had anytime for me. I can’t comment on how it happens in an arranged marriage, but since we had a love marriage,  it would seem as a betrayal to me. I would wonder how a person can change so much.

Then, one fine day we were placed in the eye of the hurricane and which shook the foundations we had been trying to built, yet failed miserably at it. The good thing which came out was we realized where we were going wrong and we tried to build again from there.

We realized what matters is a clear communication and daily togetherness, however busy you might be. You don’t need n number of hours each day, it can be just as short as half an hour each day, where you can converse freely and openly.

Today, we try to balance our life and work and time for our kid as well as time for ourselves and eachother alike. He goes for Gym, i go for yoga. That is self time. Later we try to go for an evening walk, or a post dinner walk, depending on how our work schedules permit. We try to go grocery shopping together. Lately, we added running to our menu and now we go for runs together. At times when we are tired, we just sit with each other with our cell phones away. And all this has really brought happiness in our married life. We realized that Going out for a date once in awhile does not make us guilty conscience, it makes our kids a little independent and give us both much needed space.

Another thing we noticed was, as marriage grows older, people start taking each other for granted. This leads to stagnation and boredom. Like every other relation, this relation requires constant effort. Random ” I love you” Texts, complementing each other on looks, clothes or small acts of kindness go a long way in cementing the relation.

Being kind to each other, listening to other’s view point all these are few things which go a long way in making life and relationship healthier and much more beautiful.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pleasure is a sin 

Last Friday, I and my 8 year old were having a conversation. He is a big foodie and has been putting on weight. I had always been on heavier side and I am fully aware of the nasty comments, so I don’t want him to end up with a bruised ego, so I constantly encourage him to exercise more, avoid sweets. But while conversing, I just had this idea everything which gives you pleasure is a sin.

Chocolates, sweets, coffee , pizzas, pastas.. infact anything which is yummier, tastier comes in the hit list. According to all the healthy diets we should be just eating boring salads, green tea, infact the awful the taste, on the top goes its nutrition.

This made me thinking what all do I add to the sinful pleasure.

Lazying around , sleeping too much. will be considered sinful .. but other than few workaholic who doesn’t want that.

Give me a choice, I would never work for the 48 hrs long work shift. All I would do is have a novel in hand, invent cooking and travel across the world.

Again, if you go on too many vacations, the older generation gives you a exasperated look as if you are doing the biggest crime in world.

Watching TV/ listening to music all are pounced upon by spiritual and religious heads as useless and sin.

Another pleasure Sex . is a taboo as far as Indian culture is considered. Infact, religious leaders all over the world shun it though it is the very basis of exsistence. ( We are not amoeba, who can just multiply  by binary fission)

The list is endless.

So if you want pleasure, be ready for the sin.

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Far away from the maddening crowd

 

Oh little girl! what are you thinking?

I am thinking of the sun kissed beaches,

My feet getting soaked in sand and sea,

My senses dancing to the music of waves and breeze.

Oh little one! what’s on your mind?

My mind is filled with thoughts of greens!

Lushgreen forests, with shades of red and yellow!

The symphony of a stream flowing by,

The chirpings of birds echoing in my ears.

Oh little mermaid! what you want to do?

I want to go out in the sunlight.

Just enjoy little kids play,

I want to smell the fresh baked cookies

Just sit by my window and count the stars in the sky.

Oh little lassie ! what’s stopping you?

Why don’t u go and rejoice in solitude?

Alas! The world is not my dreams O mortal one!

Its work and work!

No place for a lazy soul like me!

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Discover Challenge: Here and Now

via Discover Challenge: Here and Now

The most difficult part is living in the present. All of us want to live in the world of dreams and illusions, for the very simple reason that it seems so enthralling, so beautiful. The future always seems so promising. It is like a fresh canvas, on which we can paint whatever we want.

The present always seems boring, the same tandem repeat of events from getting up in the morning, going to work, finishing your daily chores and signing the day off. Each week day goes in the waiting of a future weekend which comes and brings in a fresh week. Yet, we never look at those week days as a fresh canvas. Probably, most of us are bored by the monotony. Some of us don’t like where we are stuck, may be in relations or at workplace.

However, even a small break, one weekend or a vacation brings life to the withered flowers.  The memories we form in those times cloud our mind and keep going till the next one. And this becomes a vicious cycle.

However for some, even the memories are painful, and living in present is a uphill task for them.

All spiritual leaders stress on the importance of being and living in the present. What does meditation do? It brings you back to the present. Now the question is If being in present is so important, what can we do ?

Right from the childhood, teach your kids to be content and happy in what they are doing. Let them choose a profession according to their abilities and according to what makes them happy and not what is the rat race and what will fetch them millions.

For those of us who are stuck….if you can change … change it now … or start a search to what stimulates you mentally and emotionally. If you are stuck in a bad job, a bad career choice, Move on. If you Can’t, find something that will motivate you and keep you going.If you are stuck in a bad relation, try to reform it. Find why it is bad and change it. Find time for yourself, cultivate a hobby.

Erase the painful memories. Forgive where you can. Forget where u cant. A little dementia won’t do you any harm.

If you can’t make yourself happy…you can’t make anyone else. So start living in the present, and find little things which motivate you.

My list is here

  1. My family
  2. Music
  3. Writing
  4. walking

I am still searching more.

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Count your Blessings

Each morning so many of us wake up with a heavy heart, some of us want better jobs, some want more money, some a better spouse, some better children…The wants are endless. But in that mood of melancholy we forget our blessings.

Let me give you the checklist

  1. Are you alive today?
  2. Is there someone( even one person) who loves you?
  3. Did you have your last meal?
  4. Do you have a home to go back to ?
  5. Do you have a place to sleep?
  6. You had a choice of clothes to wear this morning?
  7. You didn’t spent the last minute in fear of your life?
  8. You can read and write?
  9. You do not have to worry about how you will buy the next meal?
  10. You have access to clean water?
  11. You have access to clean washrooms?

So be thankful for what you have and stop cribbing over what you don’t have.

ALWAYS REMEMBER – A ROSE LIVES AMONG THE THORNS, AND A LOTUS GROWS IN MUDDY WATER.

THE MORE WE HAVE, THE MORE DISSATISFIED HERE. ONLY WHEN WE LEARN TO BREAK FROM THIS CYCLE WE WILL BE TRULY HAPPY.IMG_5062