From An Imperfect Mom !

Today morning, As I was checking my what’s app and Facebook, I realised It is Mother’s Day. A few months before, I would have been one, posting a pic of me and my son, and then checking for likes the whole day, waiting for notifications to beep.

 After the facebook and what’s app detox, not only my mobile battery lasts longer, also I have more time to pursue and I am able to keep my mind clutter free from Religion, Government, and Idealised families.

As per me, Once a woman always a mother. I don’t think giving birth to someone makes one a mother. Females have this caring and compassionate attitude right from childhood. I have seen little girls, caring for their younger siblings, as if they are the mothers.

But, Motherhood is a tough job. Right from the time you conceive one, the girl in you stops existing, and everyone from your parents, In-laws, your partner all are concerned only about the welfare of the little being. From morning sickness to sleeplessness in the third trimester,  it all shouts loud and clear that your life ahead is going to be a rollercoaster.

You feel Oh, soon he will be big, and I won’t have to worry about his nappies or feeding schedules, but the truth is each stage comes with its own set of curious problems, unique to each kid and his mum.

When my little one was small, feeding him was a problem, he never was hungry enough. Now, he is big keeping him away from Junk food is a problem.

For many making a child sleep at night is a trouble, for me making him sleep during the day is a trouble.

We Indian parents have another unique problem of scholastic and moral expectations. However, I might try to keep myself aloof and not fall into the typical competitive mom syndrome, Still every few days we both will be in the war zone, with me of opinion that he is not making enough effort in studies. And then, after every such episode, I will realise that I should not really have lost my calm, and I try to convince myself that each child is unique and he will find some aim in his life. Ah, Womania!

Only, yesterday I got in late with a meeting and walked home when it was already his sleeping time. To my absolute horror, he was trying to sleep without packing school bag and having his dinner.  Was totally unresponsible from a Type A personality like me, but for my lazy sweet kid, he just forgot and now when I am looking from his point of view, it wasn’t really such a big fuss!

So, this Mother’s day I decide to just enjoy these sweet moments and not let the typical Competitive Indian mom empower me.

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Though we are mothers 24 X 7 till we die, and we do not need another day to celebrate the unique creatures we are..

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Infedilty and Indian culture

Richa is a successful doctor in a big corporate hospital in New Delhi, India. She was married to Prateek, who was also a very successful doctor in another big corporate hospital of New Delhi, India. They had a love cum arranged marriage and lived in a joint family. Sakshi was their only child and they both loved and adored her. They had hectic schedules but they loved each other. A year before, Richa discovered that Prateek had an affair with a young nurse.

Neha is a successful doctor in a big private hospital in New Delhi. She was married to Mahesh, who worked in a multinational company and his work took him to United states often, at times even for months. They had a arranged marriage.They had two daughters who were their world. They too lived in a joint family. It was a happy family, till Neha bumped into Mahesh’s secret life.

Sheena is a succesful Doctor enterpreneur and runs a chain of Medical centres of New Delhi. Her husband works in the government sector at a high post. Like Neha, she had an arranged marriage and lives in a joint family. They have two kids and were a contended family till Sheena found about her husband’s endevaours.

“Infidelity, Cheating, Extramarital affairs” happen only in West or in the high society. The middle class has always been seen as the guards of much hyped Indian culture. And this was my belief till I came across a few instances like this.  So, I started my quest just for curiosity to know whether this is a recent trend? Is our society at crossroads? And what happens to the much hyped Indian Married couples who claim to be in rock solid marriage as compared to their western counterparts.

When the Ashley Madison- website for cheating spouses was hacked, about 2.75 lakh Indians were at the risk of being exposed. Indians are usually silent on this topic and if ever such things happen, they are generally kept hush-hush. Surprisingly, when I checked the web on this topic, there have been articles about Rising Infidelity in Indian women, but everyone is silent on Indian Male. In a cover story on the same topic In India Today (Secret and Lies) October 2007, 10 years back, Almost 31% men and 6% women admitted to having extramarital affairs. Infidelity is still rising and definitely, it’s males as well females who cheat. So why are media and society silent on Male infidelity and worried about Female.

Polygamy has always been looked as a crime for Common Indians, though the kings were allowed to keep as many wives. The only female in mythology, Draupadi who had five husbands has been looked up with scorn through generations.  So, is it that the trend is new? or this has always been a part of society but due to the silence concerning the topic, it has gone undiscussed as far as males were concerned since they were the breadwinners. But now, when females are indulging, society elders are disturbed. Or is it that though the technology has given avenues to cheat, it has also made it easier to be discovered. What’s app, facebook, Chatrooms, have given people private hideouts, but where a deed is done, the trail will always remain behind.

What has led to this increasing trend was another question on my mind. More women coming out of the homes to shoulder the responsibilities, Stressful lifestyles, with less time for families,  more females who marry at a later age but still having no qualms to seek a married man ( better established and rich)  for fun sake, could be the few reasons, I could think of.  Nuclear families have been mentioned as one reason in many writeups, but in the cases, I came across all were joint families. So, is it that Parents have no restrictions for their sons,  but a daughter in law is the honour of the family.

Hindu Marriage has always been a sacred institution and the vows taken were usually sufficient to bind people lifelong. This strength of Hindu marriage was always a feature of envy for all the cultures. With the rising trend in Infidelity, it may no longer remain so.

Whatever, the society bias be, Infidelity whether it be by the male or female spouse is like a monster in the sacred institution of marriage. Once a person is betrayed, the pain always remains. And for people who choose to stay back and mend their marriage, it takes a lot of deal of courage, compassion and adjustment to continue, especially for the betrayed spouse. Trust is like a glass, once broken, the crack always remains. Many people do overcome and form stronger bonds, but still for majority pain always remains behind. Even those who choose to walk out and form new bonds, remain suspicious and are never able to trust someone. The children who grow in broken marriages have lifelong issues of bonding and trust.

Let us stop being hypocrites. We still do not discuss sex outside bedrooms, are suspicious of sexual education provided to kids, yet as per Ashley Madison survey have no issues over extramarital affairs.The survey done revealed that 76% of Indian women and 61% of men don’t think that infidelity is a sin or immoral.( Infidelity not a sin ).

A true relationship is not just romance, candlelight dinners, sex and gifts. Let all those who want to get married be ready for a lot of hard work, compassion and togetherness.

 

* All the characters are fictitious. The stories are from true episodes in life, however, they bear no resemblance to me or the people I know.

 

 

 

 

 

 

  Silences and conversations

Speech is silver, silence is gold.

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courtesy : www. pinterest.com

 

This was what I learnt all my life. If someone hurls you abuses, don’t reply back, just stay silent. If you don’t agree, don’t get into arguments, just keep silent. If you don’t like something, just keep it to yourself. For silence is golden.

All this seemed believable. Why get into unnecessary drama?

Till recently, I came across two real scenarios.

Scenario 1

A picture perfect relation. The couple who never fight. A relationship you look upto.   Made for each other types, who can understand each other, just by looking at one another. Never have any fights, no arguments. No one would say a thing, that would hurt each other. So much so that, they avoid any argument. Yet there are things which trobule either of them. So Both look for conversations outside the marriage. They love each other so much that they cannot not hurt one another.

Scenario 2

A not so perfect couple. They fight over petty things. They too love each other, so much so that they can’t sleep till there are unresolved issues. Yet they will have an argument, they will fight and still be together. Yet their hearts are clear, no hidden feelings.

Which one would you like to have?

silence-is-gold
courtesy : buzzle.com

 

How is a relation without the deep meaningful conversations? Hollow, empty from within. You may talk about everything, yet if in a relation, you don’t talk to each other about your deepest fears, if you fail to sit and discuss with each other what you disagree on, there will be always gap in that relationship. You will look for validation not from within, not from spouse, but you will try to find a validation in the outside world. This can become a seed for extramarital affairs.

So, when something troubles you, go and speak up. It’s not the viewpoints which hurt, but sometimes the way or the tone in which they are said hurt people. So, find what troubles and try to put your argument in a different way.

But converse, and break your silence especially for the people who matter.

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Courtesy : http://www.rishikajain.com

Life of an Expat

18 November 2014 : That was the day i left the soils of India and came to Dubai. As with everyone, I had mixed feelings. Happy, coz I would be going abroad to a new life that awaited me. Sad, coz i would miss my parents…they would be so far away. Miss the warmth of my home.

I was anxious about the kind of people i would meet, would i be able to adjust. Will it turn out to be a wise decision? After all, we were moving from settled to a kind of unsettled life.

This november, I will complete two years in Dubai. One of the most negative points of living in a country with different culture is the missing all the festivities. None of the festivals give you the same feel which was back home.

Diwali lacks the lights, Holi lacks the colours and at festivals like RakshaBandhan you miss your family.

Neither of the day is a public holiday, so just like any other day you get up and go to work.

Not that I am a big fan of Crackers and fire workers, but at Diwali the whole sky would be lit up with various colours. All what we do here is go to temple, bring a few sweets which unfortunately are poor scanned copies that lack our taste of punjab, do a lakshmi pujan and go to sleep.

Diwali

Holi is usually a big splash back home. The beautiful colours all mingling with water, the sweet taste of gujiyas, holika dahan all make life more refreshing.  All what we have here is just the what’s app messages and phone calls.

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One of my favourite festivals in India was Lohri. The bonfire and the offerings to Fire god would drive all the cold away. How i miss that here.

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Today it is Raksha Bandhan. Neither could i go to my brother’s house and tie rakhi on his wrist. Nor i have a daughter who could tie my son. Possibly that is making me miss all of them.

Another down about living is an expat is that your schedules never match back home. The vacations here start after the schools there are open, so you can never plan a family get together.

One more thing which i miss is decorating my home. In India, if you would buy something it would be for keeps. Here you look something just to pass time, as you don’t know how many years you will be here.

What i like about being an expat is you get to know new cultures, learn new things from them, visit new places, live in a secure environment and of course quality of life is much better. Here, i don’t have to bother that water will not come, or at night electricity won’t be there. Nor have any nightmares about the school transport.

Everything has its ups and downs..possibly this is life..so enjoy what u get. So I’ll keep enjoying what life has chosen for me.

 

 

 

 

Happy Birthday to my little Whizkid!

My little one is  8 years old.

It seems just yesterday when i was struggling with my pregnancy woes, and Lol now he is 8!

Eight years back he was born on a lazy sunday morning and truly lazy he is! especially when he comes to doing simple things like getting up and taking a glass of water, or sometimes putting paste on his brush.

Sending him to school is a herculean task. ” Gunjit, Wake up! ” ..will start 40 minutes before the bus timings…but all he will give is 25 minutes for himself to get ready and still will want to be the first one to reach the bus stop.

According to the standards, he is ill mannered. He loves to enjoy, play and have fun.Typical Leo he is, has anger on his nose all the time. But spend some time with him, and you realize he is a loving and sensitive boy, adjusts wherever he goes, makes friends in a second.  Overshoots his limits just as any other kid of his age, but the next moment realizes that he has done something wrong.He  will be ready to say ” Sorry” that very moment…but still is trying to learn not to repeat that thing.

He Loves watching all the fighting movies…and enacts all the fight scenes after seeing them. Thinks he is the strongest of all…but will get frightened if has to stay alone even for 30 minutes. Pokemon is his favourite cartoon. And he likes reading Wimpy Kids. If by mistake we take him for our weekly groceries, we are in a big trouble, as anything that comes in an attractive label gets into the basket. He is fond of all the junk food which can be prepared or sold right from pizza, burger, chocolates, icecreams and doughnuts. He likes playing with bablets, cars and those funny toys which come with Macdonalds meal, still he will demand us to get him PS4. He likes playing carrom and all family games.. But he will cheat in order to win, so we have to be really careful.

Will shower his papa and me with kisses and hugs when he gets happy even over little things.

Though he is lazy but still he wants to do everything…Abacus, art, Dance, Karate, football, Swimming and would force me to enroll him into everything. Once he has learnt something will demonstrate his learning and skill to all, but finally it will take all our might to convince him to continue what he has already enrolled and not gravitate towards another option which he is considering at the moment.

The only grandchild in my In Law family…he is pampered to the point of spoilt by his Dadi & Dadu. Fights with them a lot, but then loves them also so much. Gets to see less of maternal side, so expects to be treated as king whenever he meets them.

Studies are his biggest enemy…but still wants to come 1st in everything studies included. Hates that now he is growing up, so his playing time is reduced. But is a real genius..picks up quickly and never disappoints us with his performance. Science and Maths are his favourite subjects, though he is still picking up on languages. However slangs like “Man” and ‘Dude ‘ are common in his vocabulary now.

Ever since he was 3, has changed almost 20 professions that he would do when he grows up. First, he wanted to be a driver, then doctor, astronaut,  scientist, actor, dancer, and  now Football Player…and a scientist when he retires from football!Though i’m still not able to understand the combo. Only thing definite is that he wants to be famous!

Wants to marry an Indian girl …but not have kids..as according to him ” Kids are a big responsibility  just like he is a big responsibility for us”

I can go on and on about this little bundle of mine, but he will be sore why I shared his secrets here.

Happy Birthday My Little Prince! Love you loads! You are definitely our superhero and we wish you all the best in Life !

 

superkid

 

 

 

 

 

Life is not a joke.

Joke

“This is scary, Man! you should not do this.” Vaibhav shouted.

“Hey, Chillax ! I’ve been doing this for the last one month. See, nothing has happened. I reach home early and can give more time to studies.” Rishabh Blurted.

See, you won’t understand. My brother got in 1st 50 at IITs. You don’t have to prove anything. It won’t matter to your parents whether you get into DEC or IIT, as long as you get admission in good branch.

My whole life has been a shadow. Right, from the moment I was born…Sunil started walking at 9 months…Started speaking at 1 year…They think I am a loser. I have to show them for once that I can get a better rank than my so called brother.

“Its all in your mind, Bro ! Indian parents are like this only…esp we North Indians. Your brother loves you.” Anyway…See you for the next class. Bye.

Rishabh had been jumping into superfast trains, which would not stop at his station so that he could reach home early. He was not able to cope with time and studies, due to his daily commuting which would take him one hour plus either way. He remembered asking his father to let him take a PG accomodation near to school.The reply still echoed in his mind. “You can never do anything. Look at your brother. We never spent an extra penny for him and see this year he will graduate from IIT. And I can bet you he will get full scholarship from Stanford for his Mtech.” Simply wasting our hard earned money! Why can’t you come home daily. Sunil would read even in train.”

Rishabh had always lived in shadow of his elder brother. Sometimes he wished he could hurt his brother the way he was daily insulted. He had been a good student always..but no one appreciated him because his brother had been the best. The best son, the best student….The best tag it seems was discovered only for him.

 

Few Days later…..

Rishabh was lying in Trauma ICU in AIIMS. He had fallen down between the train and railway tracks while trying to catch the superfast which did not stop.

His leg was badly injured..and had to amputated to save his life.

Life is not a joke. We should never put our life at risk. Better late than never..A age old saying should always be followed.

Parents should never compare their children Every child has different potential which should be encouraged.