From An Imperfect Mom !

Today morning, As I was checking my what’s app and Facebook, I realised It is Mother’s Day. A few months before, I would have been one, posting a pic of me and my son, and then checking for likes the whole day, waiting for notifications to beep.

 After the facebook and what’s app detox, not only my mobile battery lasts longer, also I have more time to pursue and I am able to keep my mind clutter free from Religion, Government, and Idealised families.

As per me, Once a woman always a mother. I don’t think giving birth to someone makes one a mother. Females have this caring and compassionate attitude right from childhood. I have seen little girls, caring for their younger siblings, as if they are the mothers.

But, Motherhood is a tough job. Right from the time you conceive one, the girl in you stops existing, and everyone from your parents, In-laws, your partner all are concerned only about the welfare of the little being. From morning sickness to sleeplessness in the third trimester,  it all shouts loud and clear that your life ahead is going to be a rollercoaster.

You feel Oh, soon he will be big, and I won’t have to worry about his nappies or feeding schedules, but the truth is each stage comes with its own set of curious problems, unique to each kid and his mum.

When my little one was small, feeding him was a problem, he never was hungry enough. Now, he is big keeping him away from Junk food is a problem.

For many making a child sleep at night is a trouble, for me making him sleep during the day is a trouble.

We Indian parents have another unique problem of scholastic and moral expectations. However, I might try to keep myself aloof and not fall into the typical competitive mom syndrome, Still every few days we both will be in the war zone, with me of opinion that he is not making enough effort in studies. And then, after every such episode, I will realise that I should not really have lost my calm, and I try to convince myself that each child is unique and he will find some aim in his life. Ah, Womania!

Only, yesterday I got in late with a meeting and walked home when it was already his sleeping time. To my absolute horror, he was trying to sleep without packing school bag and having his dinner.  Was totally unresponsible from a Type A personality like me, but for my lazy sweet kid, he just forgot and now when I am looking from his point of view, it wasn’t really such a big fuss!

So, this Mother’s day I decide to just enjoy these sweet moments and not let the typical Competitive Indian mom empower me.

IMG_6794

Though we are mothers 24 X 7 till we die, and we do not need another day to celebrate the unique creatures we are..

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How to break free of a worry loop?

Have you ever wondered how to break free of a worry loop? You know the experience. You’re in the shower, at the computer, or out to dinner with the family and there is a worrisome thought running through your mind over and over — a looming deadline, an awkward social interaction, the finances, etc. It […]

via 3 Simple Steps for Breaking Free from Worry Loops — Psychology Facts

I is the Ego

” I ”

A single alphabet which should always be capitalised when written alone, even though written in the middle of a sentence.

A one alphabet word which won’t ever let you surrender.

I am me.

I did this for you.

I like this

And I hate this

I will not ever talk to you.

I will be the best

This I in our lives is the ego. Our identity, created by our magnanimous minds. The false self which lives within each of us. Our persona, our talent, our abilities and this I and me lurk behind them and keep giving us the power to rule our own lives. If I could be stopped here, the world would have been a better place.

But I never stops there. I wants to rule the close family, friends, peer groups and so on. When this I takes on this negative trend.I becomes the ego, giving us the feelings of insecurity, anger, jealousy and so forth.

But can we do away with ego? No..If I don’t worth myself, I will be depressed, worthless.

So what do we do?

Have a balance of our positive and negative self. Let go of the feelings which cause unhappiness. Let our positive self-emerge from the false persona we live in. And where I becomes a trouble, let it be replaced by We.

DELETE

When God made the woman, he forgot to give them the delete button. They will remember each and every date, every conversation they had with their husband/In-laws, each and every occasion where she did not get her due, all the events when the husband made a mistake. This list is endless especially when the party involved is Husband. I do not know whether to sympathise with the husband or her?

 

download
Source: http://www.shutterstock.com

 

Well, males have their brains conditioned and anything that is not important will not get registered in their brains. So, all this endless cribbing will lead you nowhere ladies!

Instead, focus on your own peace of mind. Well, like as kids when we wanted to learn something, we would keep revising it. Here, what we have to do is the reverse. Every time, we are reminded of such things/events which threaten our peace of mind, we have to consciously shift our focus and think about something else. In simple words, just stop thinking about it. Stop probing it. Sooner or later, it will be marked for Deleting.

 

 Climbing The Ladder of Success

via Daily Prompt: Climbing

” You never have time for us.”

“Couldn’t you spare one hour for his dance performance ?”  I could still hear my wife’s voice in my head.

“Dad! Why didn’t u come? All my friend’s fathers were there, clicking their photographs. Why couldn’t you come?” My son’s pleas were drowned in the bottle of whiskey.

How could I make them understand that the meeting had been really important? If I could negotiate this project, and get it in my kitty, I could be the next General Manager of the group.

“Why are you looking so sullen?” Ria walked in.

Her infectious smile made me forgot the scene that had happened at my home just an hour before. A little peck on my cheek, made me feel at the top of the world.

“Hey, that meeting was wonderful! The clients are happy and hopefully, if all goes well, the contract will be signed in by Monday morning.” Ria filled me in with more information.

“Oh, Ria! You are such a darling! You always take away my worries. Come give me a hug”

A few hours later, Ria and I were entwined in some hotel room, all worries of not being able to go for my son’s performance were long forgotten.

Monday morning, the contract was signed. Another great performance by me for my company. Ria and I celebrated.

My family would never understand what all I did for them? After all, who else enjoyed my hard earned money.

A few days later, a new GM joined some bigwig from IIMs with a great profile from a Hongkong based MNC.

I kept sulking in the corner. So much effort I had put in to get this company to this heights and now they brought in a New GM. Ria was busy catering to the new boss.

I went home early. My wife and son were waiting there still for me.

tmptmpimg

 

 

 

Infedilty and Indian culture

Richa is a successful doctor in a big corporate hospital in New Delhi, India. She was married to Prateek, who was also a very successful doctor in another big corporate hospital of New Delhi, India. They had a love cum arranged marriage and lived in a joint family. Sakshi was their only child and they both loved and adored her. They had hectic schedules but they loved each other. A year before, Richa discovered that Prateek had an affair with a young nurse.

Neha is a successful doctor in a big private hospital in New Delhi. She was married to Mahesh, who worked in a multinational company and his work took him to United states often, at times even for months. They had a arranged marriage.They had two daughters who were their world. They too lived in a joint family. It was a happy family, till Neha bumped into Mahesh’s secret life.

Sheena is a succesful Doctor enterpreneur and runs a chain of Medical centres of New Delhi. Her husband works in the government sector at a high post. Like Neha, she had an arranged marriage and lives in a joint family. They have two kids and were a contended family till Sheena found about her husband’s endevaours.

“Infidelity, Cheating, Extramarital affairs” happen only in West or in the high society. The middle class has always been seen as the guards of much hyped Indian culture. And this was my belief till I came across a few instances like this.  So, I started my quest just for curiosity to know whether this is a recent trend? Is our society at crossroads? And what happens to the much hyped Indian Married couples who claim to be in rock solid marriage as compared to their western counterparts.

When the Ashley Madison- website for cheating spouses was hacked, about 2.75 lakh Indians were at the risk of being exposed. Indians are usually silent on this topic and if ever such things happen, they are generally kept hush-hush. Surprisingly, when I checked the web on this topic, there have been articles about Rising Infidelity in Indian women, but everyone is silent on Indian Male. In a cover story on the same topic In India Today (Secret and Lies) October 2007, 10 years back, Almost 31% men and 6% women admitted to having extramarital affairs. Infidelity is still rising and definitely, it’s males as well females who cheat. So why are media and society silent on Male infidelity and worried about Female.

Polygamy has always been looked as a crime for Common Indians, though the kings were allowed to keep as many wives. The only female in mythology, Draupadi who had five husbands has been looked up with scorn through generations.  So, is it that the trend is new? or this has always been a part of society but due to the silence concerning the topic, it has gone undiscussed as far as males were concerned since they were the breadwinners. But now, when females are indulging, society elders are disturbed. Or is it that though the technology has given avenues to cheat, it has also made it easier to be discovered. What’s app, facebook, Chatrooms, have given people private hideouts, but where a deed is done, the trail will always remain behind.

What has led to this increasing trend was another question on my mind. More women coming out of the homes to shoulder the responsibilities, Stressful lifestyles, with less time for families,  more females who marry at a later age but still having no qualms to seek a married man ( better established and rich)  for fun sake, could be the few reasons, I could think of.  Nuclear families have been mentioned as one reason in many writeups, but in the cases, I came across all were joint families. So, is it that Parents have no restrictions for their sons,  but a daughter in law is the honour of the family.

Hindu Marriage has always been a sacred institution and the vows taken were usually sufficient to bind people lifelong. This strength of Hindu marriage was always a feature of envy for all the cultures. With the rising trend in Infidelity, it may no longer remain so.

Whatever, the society bias be, Infidelity whether it be by the male or female spouse is like a monster in the sacred institution of marriage. Once a person is betrayed, the pain always remains. And for people who choose to stay back and mend their marriage, it takes a lot of deal of courage, compassion and adjustment to continue, especially for the betrayed spouse. Trust is like a glass, once broken, the crack always remains. Many people do overcome and form stronger bonds, but still for majority pain always remains behind. Even those who choose to walk out and form new bonds, remain suspicious and are never able to trust someone. The children who grow in broken marriages have lifelong issues of bonding and trust.

Let us stop being hypocrites. We still do not discuss sex outside bedrooms, are suspicious of sexual education provided to kids, yet as per Ashley Madison survey have no issues over extramarital affairs.The survey done revealed that 76% of Indian women and 61% of men don’t think that infidelity is a sin or immoral.( Infidelity not a sin ).

A true relationship is not just romance, candlelight dinners, sex and gifts. Let all those who want to get married be ready for a lot of hard work, compassion and togetherness.

 

* All the characters are fictitious. The stories are from true episodes in life, however, they bear no resemblance to me or the people I know.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Investing in your married life.

tmptmpimgA few years back,  I always used to be that nagging wife, as my husband was always overworked. I would barely see him home as he was always so busy climbing up the ladders of success and hardly had anytime for me. I can’t comment on how it happens in an arranged marriage, but since we had a love marriage,  it would seem as a betrayal to me. I would wonder how a person can change so much.

Then, one fine day we were placed in the eye of the hurricane and which shook the foundations we had been trying to built, yet failed miserably at it. The good thing which came out was we realized where we were going wrong and we tried to build again from there.

We realized what matters is a clear communication and daily togetherness, however busy you might be. You don’t need n number of hours each day, it can be just as short as half an hour each day, where you can converse freely and openly.

Today, we try to balance our life and work and time for our kid as well as time for ourselves and eachother alike. He goes for Gym, i go for yoga. That is self time. Later we try to go for an evening walk, or a post dinner walk, depending on how our work schedules permit. We try to go grocery shopping together. Lately, we added running to our menu and now we go for runs together. At times when we are tired, we just sit with each other with our cell phones away. And all this has really brought happiness in our married life. We realized that Going out for a date once in awhile does not make us guilty conscience, it makes our kids a little independent and give us both much needed space.

Another thing we noticed was, as marriage grows older, people start taking each other for granted. This leads to stagnation and boredom. Like every other relation, this relation requires constant effort. Random ” I love you” Texts, complementing each other on looks, clothes or small acts of kindness go a long way in cementing the relation.

Being kind to each other, listening to other’s view point all these are few things which go a long way in making life and relationship healthier and much more beautiful.