Q – Do not Quit

There are times in your life when whatever you do seems to backfire. The little child who would make you laugh on his antics is no longer little. He does not listen to you anymore and it seems he’s slipping away from you.

The house which resonated with laughters, now hears only loud volumes and daily meltdowns. You never thought that this day would ever come in your life. You had been a good parent, at least you and your family thought so, but Why? Why this child for whom you spent sleepless nights, gave away your promotion, sacrificed so many trips, why has he turned out to be this way?

You are bound to be disappointed and disillusioned with the unfair life. What do you do? You just want to quit and go away somewhere in peace.

I was faced with a similar situation a few months back. My 10 year old son did not want to write.

“Writing is boring. Why can’t we have just all the tests and exams oral? What is the need of writing? You and Papa do all work on computers? So when that is what we do when we grow up, where is the need that I should be using paper and pen now.”

All my efforts were in vain. His notebooks would be empty and whatever work he would do was too untidy to be deciphered. He is a brilliant child otherwise and his concepts were always crystal clear. All the while I was getting complaints from school.

“He is not interested”

“He disturbs the class.”

“He can’t sit still.”

“He gets into fights.”

“He can’t control his anger.”

Nagging, rewards, punishments nothing was helping. Whatever I did seemed to backfire.

His early upbringing too had been difficult due to frequent illness, culprit being repeated upper respiratory tract infections and predisposition to Asthma. I had become a pro at Nebulisers, steroids and The grandma recipes too.

Did he have a psychological disorder? ADHD, ODD and so on. As a doctor, it’s always difficult for you to even accept and you keep living in denial. All this was now taking toll on me. I consulted many psychologists, took him for sessions and even though we have still not reached the seed, one thing I realised was that We have to be his Rock of Gibraltar.

That day and this day, I started keeping my work tensions at work. I stopped yelling at him, even if internally my mind would be screaming. I would praise him each day for even a little change on his side. I followed each of the principles I have been advocating in my posts from A to Z. I changed my behaviour to be the role model for him. We are still a long way, but we are on the way now.

Never give up on your children. Never give up on those you love. Your children were born out of that need of love and you cannot give up on them when the tide turns against. You have to be strong, you have to be their advocate. Yes, you will need a break, but you cannot walk away.

What did you do when you’ve been under water ?

I am participating in A2Z Blogging Challenge this April and this post is my entry for letter “Q”

19 thoughts on “Q – Do not Quit

  1. Hi, my first visit to your insightful blog, visiting from the A to Z challenge for twenty nineteen.
    There is some advice or possibly only an insight into your son’s behavior.
    Somewhere between the ages of 10 and 20 boys have to establish their places in the society of men. Whatever the reaction of their peers to him during this critical period in a boys life establishes in his own mind his worth and authority for essentially the rest of his life.
    Do not send your child to boarding school in another country out of frustration, your boy really needs your input to balance what he is having to deal with amongst his peers. He needs your encouragement and acceptance. In early life boys spend most of their time with Mommy but at about 10 they start looking at their friends and try to work out who they are as a person, this is a natural event and should be accepted by parents.
    I was sent to boarding school when I was bout 12 or 13 and became the school punch bag. I am what I am today because of those horror days.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ruchi, you are not my dearest friend but my inspiration in parenting. I’m going through a phase where Tuneer simply refuses to stop crying for the slightest of things. Beyond a point, I lose my patience and start yelling. And then I feel so guilty. Everytime that I read your posts, I feel.like turning over a new leaf

    Liked by 1 person

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