What kind of household did you grow in?
Imagine the scenario!
A child is going to appear for his boards in a months time and wants to go to a friends house after school, in order to study together.
1. “No, you cannot go to your friends house after school. Come back and study. Exams are just around the corner. No more arguments in this. I know you are just going to waste your time.
2. “Yes, honey. You can go wherever you want. My sweetheart how much under pressure you are. What’s the use of these exams any way. You should relax a little.
3. Parent : “Are you sure you will not be wasting time?”
Child : “No Dad, I need help in these problems and Simon has agreed to help me out.”
Parent : “Okay. Get your doubts cleared, it’s always better to study with someone. Let me know when I can pick you back so that you don’t waste much time waiting for the bus.”
Kids who grown in dictatorship, where they are just dictated around have a low self esteem.
The second one, more so like a Jellyfish, take parents for a merry go round and grow up feeling privileged and care little for others, at times even their own parents, spouse and even children.
The third one is the balanced or the flexible parenting where dialogues are encouraged and children are free to make choices and are held responsible for the same.
Flexible parenting or positive parenting is what psychologists recommend these days. You are like the backbone, firm yet flexible enough to bend as the need arises.
Flexible parenting is like democracy. Children are given more responsibility and freedom as they become emotionally mature and competent. Children are loved unconditionally. They are comfortable discussing their problems and thoughts, and parents act as an anchor or a guide.
When we were small, we were fine with being dictated. For us, it was like a monarchy. Whether it was respect or fear ingrained, we would not question if said “No”
When I became a parent, I realized a “No” never worked. I would be questioned why “No”
My parents and my in laws told me I was not being very strict. I started dictating terms, only to realize that it was more stressful for both me and my child. I started following a middle ground.
As they say, choose your battles wisely. For example, Was it important that he finally finished his homework or was it important that he finished before going down to play.
You have to be permissive that they can speak of their needs and thoughts, yet you have to have strict boundaries.
A child who is encouraged to give his opinion develops his own thought process. He knows his feelings are being valued, and his opinion is important.
When they know it’s okay to make mistakes, they will think of mistake as a stepping stone and learn from it.
Let’s all move towards a positive parenting !
I am participating in A2Z Blogging Challenge this April and this post is my entry for letter P.