I was an achiever child in my school. Hailing from a small non descript town, I had always scored well and would always be a ranker in the school. Of course, my parents being educationists this was something they were proud of and I did extra effort to grab that limelight.
Being an achiever was not easy, especially if one is an Introvert. I was not popular among girls and had a few friends. At times I felt, I should study less, but the problem was if a concept is clear I didn’t have to do anything more.
Years later, I met one of my school mates who also happened to be my next door neighbor. He was a good student and away from limelight, he had slowly and steadily settled in a good career. During our chit-chat he casually mentioned,”It must have been so difficult for you during the school days, constantly living up to the expectations of the parents and teachers. I had seen my brother too, even a 90% would be less for him. He would be terrified if he slipped to second position by a few marks. For me, no one had any expectations, so I was stress free, happy and so had easy time.”
How true were his words!
As a compensation, I have become a chilled out parent. I am hardly ever concerned about his results. I have never compared his marks or performance in sports etc and applaud him for his efforts always. I just tell him to give your best shot and let your luck handle the rest. I teach him to be a good human being, have high morals and be happy. However, being married in a family where all were academic genius has made my stance more difficult.
There is always joy in being mundane or ordinary. It is a proven fact that more successful or rich or famous you are, the more stressed you will be and thus unhappy. Happiness is not synonymous with materialism or greatness.
Happiness is found in many little things, like cooking a meal for your loved ones, having a walk in the nature, spending time together doing nothing just playing or reading or talking. If you constantly compare your child with the best, he would be always striving to achieve that perfection. Let him be he. Let him love and live his life. I don’t want to profess that everyone should be ordinary, but I only want to say that embrace your child even if he is ordinary. Not everyone is a topper, dancer, singer, athlete etc. Everyone learns to make a life and it may not be on the parameters set by you. Just let them strive hard and be contended and happy in the effort.
I am participating in A2Z Blogging Challenge this April and this post is my entry for letter M.
The Vagabond 
I applaud you for this. Teaching a grounded set of right and wrong coupled with a strong work ethic is more than sufficient for success. Having to be the top or #1 only adds unnecessary stress to a child that carries over into adulthood. I look at my high school graduating class and the people who are most successful today (30 years later) are not the ones who graduated at the top of the class.
Even myself. My class rank was exactly the middle of the students. I had just as many students with better grades than me as those who had worse grades. Yet, I have traveled the world. I have a Master’s Degree and am in high demand in my field. My life has taken me to places that my high school grades would never have reflected.
I am at Transformed Nonconformist. I usually write humor pieces, but I am getting serious this month. I’m writing about people who have deeply impacted my life.
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You made my day. Thanks a lot.
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True, happiness is found in little things
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Ruchi you and I must have been separated at birth. So much similarities we have. My father was a Maths Prof and Ma used to teach in a school before deciding to quit to bring me up. I didn’t feel any pressure from my parents, but there was peer pressure and pressure from society because the child of academicians are naturally expected to do well. I had become so used to success that I never knew how to enjoy the mundane things nor handle failure. I’m much better off today and I consciously try not to let Tuneer feel the pressure of his parents professions. This was an amazing post.
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Very valid. Some children are not so bright. And in fact, some are below average. But just embrace children the way they are. We are all mother nature’s children and we are the way she created us. So what the hell if we are not brilliant or fantastic. Like Jiddu Krishnamurthy says, there is absolutely no need for comparisons. I am whatever I am and to hell with the rest of the world.
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happiness is in little things! loved the post
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That’s lovely! I too was a “topper type” and I completely empathise with all its pressures. I’ll encourage my son to find his own path, whether in academics or elsewhere.
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I come from a family just like yours – super academic and focused on it. My sister and I felt a lot of pressure to succeed academically. So I’ve been the complete opposite with my sons because that kind of pressure can be crippling and make kids turn off from school all-together.
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I enjoyed your post. I think if we were all encouraged to find happiness in the small things around us, and less emphasis was placed on competition the world would be a kinder and gentler place for all of us.
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Your house is valueble for me. Thanks!…
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