L – Let them go

The transition phase from Childhood to teenage and finally adulthood, is more difficult for parents then the child himself. The independence that the child loves, is detested by the parent especially if they have been used to micromanaging and making decisions until then. Sooner or later the child realizes that as interference and moves away farther. This is especially true for Indian parenting where children are considered as a security for old age.

People who do live with that notion have difficult elder years and those who do let go at the right time are happier and live productive lives even at their prime.

Empty nest syndrome is what they call it in psychology. People do want there children to grow and become adults, but once they leave home for universities, higher education or jobs, they become sad and depressed. This is more true for females as right from the time the child is born their lives revolve around raising them.

Only last month my parents came to stay with me. I left my home when i was just 17 to pursue my medical education. I returned for around 3-4 months before I went again to do my postgraduation. I got married during the postgraduation and never went back to be with them but on their advise came back to Delhi ( they considered it near compared to Mumbai) after finishing my studies. Delhi didn’t go well with me, and we shifted to Dubai a couple of years back. I do talk to them on a daily basis and invite them over for a month or so each year. This time, my mom actually expressed sadness over the fact that she didn’t have anyone of the family i.e. either me or my brother for sharing and talking to. She felt it would have been better had we been less educated and stayed close by rather than miles away. My Dad is more chilled out. He didn’t have any such concerns. This all got me thinking would I have similar concerns once my child leaves my nest. Only time will tell. As of now, I am comfortable and do give him the necessary freedom and a requisite watch required for a pre- teen. He is allowed to have night outs with his friends and me and my husband our time without him.

Letting go does not begin the day your child leaves. You have to let go each day as they gain independence. Be it the transition from home to school, teenage years and then finally adulthood.

First of all we have to let go of any expectations. A child as I have said in my previous posts is his own persona and so for each stage we have to set the boundaries. We have to let them be independent so that they make their decisions. Giving them space so that they can make take decisions, make mistakes and learn from them.

Develop hobbies and self care is the key for the parents. Couple time away from the kid even when they are growing is important to prevent alienation of parents when the child is growing up.

A large part of our lives goes in rearing them so as parents the concern is genuine. However, letting go is essential for a healthy mental life of both the parent and the child.

I know it’s easier said than done, but hopefully if we start detachment step by step as they move away it would be worthwhile.

I am participating in A2Z Blogging Challenge this April and this post is my entry for Letter L.

11 thoughts on “L – Let them go

  1. Absolutely! The trouble with most Indian parents at least is that they want to make all the decisions for their children and really raise hell if the child shows a tendency to be independent. They want to decide what the child would study, what subject he/she would graduate in, whom he would marry and finally they want to keep them by their side. This attitude usually alienates children. We need to think of our children as thinking feeling independent individuals in their own right. I know this is a very difficult attitude to adopt but it is necessary.

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  2. I remember Ma crying everytime I left for the hostel. Even after marriage she would get really emotional. Baba was more accepting. I would wonder why she cried so much and as a mother now, I get emotional whenever I think of the boy starting his school next week. God knows what will happen to me after ge grows up

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  3. Beautiful post! Though I can relate to what your mother feels, I can understand the pressure it must have over you. Even before I got married, I had been planning to make something of myself after my kids grew up. As you say, we need to learn to let go of them each day as they grow older. I put my plan to action when my son (younger child) went to Std. II and never looked back after that.

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  4. I am very emotional, I still cry while returning from my Mayka and now my little one too has adopted this depart time crying. I could see that she is also emotionally weak and I somehow try to make her strong from inside.

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  5. The expectation is a heavy word. Often we as parents or rather be specific as mothers want our children to be around us. When they are too small then life goes in raising them up and solving their school issues. It only in their teens or later that we want to close and spend some time together.
    My mother was working until I was in 12th grade. I got only 3 years of my college life to spend with her as she was home at that time. Then I got married. I miss those times and the relationship we shared. But again it is all when we expect and want more from life.

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  6. This is such an essential post to read, this happens with all of us . And it’s too difficult for us as kids to reciprocate our feelings to our parents. Because this is the stage when we are sailing in our individual ships and dealing with our own battles. Amidst that comes the parents expectations and we can’t deal with it. And it not just happens with own kids but often we tend to blame daughter in-laws for taking away their beloved sons and this is a real pain issue

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