Recap : A ,B ,C ,D ,E ,F ,G ,H ,I ,J ,K ,L ,M ,N ,O ,P ,Q ,R ,S ,T ,U ,V ,W ,X A year back I had been wailing in depression. I had lost all hope that I would be ever happy. Now when I looked back over the days gone by, I understood how a small change in my perspective had made my life beautiful and happy. Sometimes, the answers are all within you, but you refuse to listen to your inner self.
I knew I had been always trying to please someone. When I was a kid, it was my parents, or my teachers, or the friends I was never able to make. Being an introvert, I had always been at the receiving end of relationships. I would always be scared, of losing that someone. This has continued when I met Akash, and I never had the guts to be me.
Only when I had let that fear go, I had found my happiness. I had found my happiness, when I started listening to my heart. I knew it was not easy to start a life again with Akash, but I knew he loved me. He had given me his hand, only I had to hold it. I only knew that I loved him, and I wanted to spend my life with him.
Yes, my confusion was public perceptions. I didn’t want to be labelled as a regressive, and I wanted to be with Akash as well. I had been angry, very angry at one point of time, that all I wanted was redemption. Yet, I was afraid that if I let him know this, what he would think. I was afraid of his judgment. When he had come to know, he did not judge me, and decided to overlook just as I decided to overlook his past.
Now, I knew it no longer meant anything to me. Happiness is never about your degrees , your academic achievements, your careers, the pay package you earn, the high tech phones or cars, or material things you buy. Happiness is not even in your relationships. Happiness is in discovering yourself and listening to your heart. I had listened to my heart and I was happy.
I had cleared my fellowship. I was in no hurry to go back to a regular job, though I had been doing freelancing which was giving me ample time to pursue my hobbies. I had listened to my heart, and finally I was at peace in my life.
I would be 40 in a few years. I had already few white hairs peeping out on my scalp. There were so many dreams, I had since childhood unfulfilled.
I knew I had to make them true. I had started out slowly. Last week, Akash and me had run our first half marathon. Another little dream which we had made possible. Age is just a number. It’s all in your mind. You are young as long as you heart is young.
You don’t get old when you are 40/50/60, you get old when you start resisting the change. You get old when you stop celebrating the wonderful gift of life. You get old when you start waiting to die. You get old when you stop believing in love
The coming winter vacations, we were taking Pihu to Iceland. We had always wanted to witness the Northern lights. Another tick to a dream.
Life is too short to hold grudges. So break your silly egos, forgive quickly, trust slowly, love truly, laugh as much as you can and do everything that brings a smile.