I went downhill yesterday again. I was worried about Sophie being back, but Akash telling me everything and asking me what to do was the little speck of light I needed.
True to his word, he was waiting for my reply. He did not contact her, neither mailed her back, not even called her back.
We sat down today morning, and discussed what to do?
“Why is she contacting you again?” I had asked.
“I sincerely do not have an Idea, she had many troubles even at that time, but she never took me into confidence until the last month, and by that time we had already decided to end it.” He said.
“She had a boyfriend who had clicked her nude pics and would threaten her with disclosure. He would torture her physically as well. I had tried to help her out, but she was simply not interested.”
“She saw me only as a paycheck and at that time, I was more than happy to have no strings attached.” He continued.
“So, do you think this could be the reason she needs your help.” I further explored.
“May be,” and he was silent for sometime.
“It’s been 5 years now, Neha. We can say her No. You are already trying hard to stay committed to me. I know I may sound hollow, but I have no feelings for her. When I look back, I feel I never had any feelings, just attraction, and I acted foolishly on that. All I was at that time, full of me, I loved none but me.”He said after sometime.
“This all the more gives me a reason to help her, if it is genuine. I do not know her, but someone used her, and then you too used her, and if there’s something we could do, may be you would have her forgiveness.” I replied back.
No one of us, spoke for sometime.
“Neha, you are a very good person. You have got a beautiful heart. You take all the pain yourself, and you have been trying to forgive me and now this.” Akash said.
“You will not call her, or reply to her. I would be the one who would do that. No conversation will take place without me.” I said.
“Akash, I might seem idiot thinking of helping the women who didn’t even give a thought when she slept with you, knowing that you were a married man. I can’t blame her though because you were the one who took vows with me and you were the one who took the first step with her. To be true, I am being selfish, at this stage of life, all I have is you and Pihu.”
“If I leave you and go, Pihu would have to choose between us. Though you were hardly present for him in the first few years of life. Now he waits for you, and misses you even if you are gone for a day. I can’t snatch him from his father.”
“Second, when we had met we were only 18, I have known you for almost half of my life, and I know you inside out. You are not a bad person. You got carried away by success, power, money whatever it was. You are the only person I have ever loved this way. Life is to short to have regrets. The moment I leave you, everyone will be behind my life asking me to find someone to spend the rest of my life. Wherever I go, I know I will carry this baggage around. I will rather try and spend it with you, rather than trying to find another companion for life.”
“My mental state is the baggage you gave me, and you will be the only who will have to deal with it.” I said smiling.
Akash pulled me into a hug and whispered in my ear,”I am ready to remind you each day of my life that I love you and without you my life is nothing.”
I closed my eyes and let him soothe my nerves. All I had to do now was to deal with Sophie.
NOTE : I am participating in #AtoZChallenge2018 and this post is my entry for letter Q.