Those dreams were disturbing me.
Why was I getting them again? Who wanted to destroy my happy family? I tried not to think about Sophia, but she came to my mind again and again. After all I never knew what had happened in the end. Why did they break up eventually?
I thought it was fear again. I didn’t let it effect me during the day, so they kept coming back to me at night.
May be it was just that, my subconscious. Had I trusted too soon? I had doubts creeping up again.
I was not able to sleep properly and my headaches had again started. Infact, I was afraid to sleep now.
My psychologist thought that it was just my fears and she had increased my medication.
I was not sure if it was helping.
I had to join work in a week’s time. If this continued, it would be difficult concentrating on work.
Earlier on, during the last year, I had got warning as I did not finish project in time.
How could someone work calmly, when his personal life was in tatters?
My mind went back to that year again. How could Akash work so seamlessly, when he was going around with Sophie? May be the thrill kept him going?
I again started thinking like a loser.
“The glass half empty, not the glass half full.”
“Why me, Why our marriage?’ Thoughts like that again started creeping my mind.
I was upset, but I had decided not to talk about this anymore.
One night, Akash came home early. He was visibly upset.
“I am having Headache.” He said and went to sleep.
I decided not to press too much. He would come if he wanted to share something. I kept myself busy with Pihu.
I was worried, because whenever he was in bad mood, he would just go silent.”Stonewalling” they call it in psychology. He would not share anything, and after what we had gone through, I would panic and overreact and that would lead to fight.
It had been going good for so many months now, and I didn’t want to spoil that. So I withdrew myself in Pihu’s room.
Later after Pihu slept, I went to check on Akash. His face was stressed. He took my hand in his and said,”I have to tell you something.”
My hands were cold by now, and I tried to stay calm. I did not know what to expect.
“Sophie has been trying to contact me, since last week.” He said.
“I did not revert back.” He continued.
“But she has been persistent. She has been sending mails daily.”
“Don’t know how she got hold of my number. She called me today.”
“She says, she is in Trouble and she needs my help.”
“What did you say?” I ask.
“I told her, that it had been long time and you know everything about her, and I will be able to help only if it is something genuine and If you allow.” He says.
I close my eyes, not knowing what to say further. I come close to him and let him wrap me in his arms.
My mind is in a turmoil again.
“What now? What does she want?” I keep thinking about that and do not sleep again that night.
NOTE : I am participating in #AtoZChallenge2018 and this post is my entry for letter O.