The mind is a strange thing, the more I struggled to forget, the more they would cling back to me.
I had finally realised that if I wanted the family I had to move on. Coming back to Akash was not easy, neither was going away from him.
I had realised that I did love him, and his concern, care and love made me realise that we did deserve a chance. Our past does not define us, but what we learnt from it, did define us. He had learnt his lesson. He was giving his 100% to me and to Pihu.
Running away was not a solution, neither was a divorce. Pihu loved both of us and he was happiest with both of us. If I wanted to give him a happy family, a stable foundation, I had to let it go. But it must not be just for Pihu.
After I had gone away from him, I realized I loved him. Whenever I closed my eyes and thought about it calmly, without getting Sophie in my mind, I saw the three smiling faces, His mine and Pihu.
For many, my decision was regressive. How could I forgive a cheater, a liar? I didn’t care.
If I had ever loved someone so much, it was him and though he did stray but one thing was clear, that it was not because of me or lack of love in our marriage.
I had been holding me back, if I wanted us as a happy family and I had to let go of all the painful memories.
When I had asked Akash, “Would he be able to erase all those painful memories?”
He had replied,”Neha,I can’t go back and undo what I had done. May be that was my Karma. But be with me, we both will create new memories, to replace all the painful memories.”
After I had come back home, for the next two weeks, Akash was like a shadow to me. He took everything in his hands, from waking up early in the morning, preparing breakfast and getting Pihu ready for school to everything which would have been my responsibilities.
After waking me up, he would take me for a walk. At first, I would feel a bit awkward in the wheelchair, getting sympathetic glances from people we knew, but later I learnt to ignore that just like many other things.
We would spend our day reading books, watching our favorite movies together and creating new recipes, where I would just sit and instruct Akash what to do.
After about 2 weeks, I had progressed to standing comfortably with the help of clutches, so I asked Akash to not extend his leave and join back.
I had lost the track of time, so I was taken completely by surprise when one evening Akash organized a romantic candle light dinner for the two of us. This was just the night before he had to join back. How and when he planned, I had no idea but he did manage to make me feel special and remember it for a long time.
Isn’t it, that slowly with time we would create new memories and forget the painful ones.
I just had to stay positive and deliberately not go down the forbidden lane.
NOTE : I am participating in #AtoZChallenge2018 and this post is my entry for letter M.