If you missed the story before One
This morning I woke and found two mails in my Inbox, one from my little prince and the another one from his Dad. I am pleasantly surprised. You want to know what they said? Here it goes!
I am missing you. You said you would be gone for a day or two. It is already more than a week. Promise mummy, I will not trouble you anymore. I will finish my veggies, do my homework and will keep my room clean also.
When are you coming?
I heard granma say that you were angry with Papa. I am sorry I overheard. You always tell me that I should not poke my nose in elder’s conversation, but I couldn’t help as everyone has been sad and silent ever since you went.
I am sad without you and so is Papa.
Please come home soon. Papa and I love you.
How are you doing now? I am worried about you. Please do not punish yourself and Pihu for my mistakes.
I know I am the one who has created problems for you, and I agree I have not been able to rectify them. Believe me, Neha I have tried. The last three years we have been together have been the best. I restricted my work hours. I would come home in time. I learnt cooking so that I could prepare your breakfast each day. I would spend whatever time I had with you and Pihu. I know I am not perfect and I cannot undo what’s been done, but I am trying to be a understanding husband.
Remember that day when you had caught those texts, and you had cried whole night. I did not know what to do. I had just held you close all night and I had heard your sobs. I was ashamed of myself, and I was afraid. Here, was the girl who trusted me, who put all her faith in me, never ever questioned me and what had I done.
I thought about the hardships we had faced together and that night for the first time, I was scared of losing you. I didn’t want to lose you, and even today I do not want to lose you.
Remember, when once you had come home angry because someone had cheated on your best-friend and you had told me that if my husband does such a thing, I would just leave him. I was not just sorry for what I had done, the truth was I could not even look inside me. I had no answers, no justification. I only understood that if I told you the truth, I would lose you.
I had been attracted to Sophie, but the initial attraction had waved off soon. I had lost foresight about right or wrong and I had a stupid answer that I am not going to leave you. I did every possible thing to keep it hidden.
I was caught deep in marsh. I wanted to come out, but I was high, drunk in power. When I had realized the gravity of what I had done, I was as broken as you, but I had no one to blame other than me. I tried to come to you many a times, but I was and I am a coward. I never had the courage to face you.
I would try to justify myself that all what happened was because of your constant advise about my lifestyle. I would keep thinking and I knew if we stayed there, I would never come out of that web again.
So I ran away from everything. You knew nothing, still you believed in me and came along. I never thought you would get to know about Sophie. But what goes, comes around.
For the past one and a half year, I have been trying to hold you. I stopped everything, you know this. You also know that it did not end because you came to know, but it was because I was ashamed of that double life. You have access to each and every activity of mine. When I tell you, I have never looked back, I am telling you truth this time.
I know your struggle and your questions remind of what I have been running away from. Every-time you would ask, I would change the topic. That is my dark past, I do not want to think of. That is a closed room which I never visit and I do not want you to visit.
I have been selfish. I still want you for myself, for us and for the lovely family we have. Pihu asks me each night, if mummy is angry with us both. He hugs your photo, and sleeps.
If it makes you happy, don’t come back. But without you, Life is meaningless for us. I will not ask anything. I am ready to wait for you lifelong. Whatever punishment you give, i will accept, but please come back for Pihu and for yourself. I won’t give up on you, Neha.
I love you, Neha.
I promise you I am only yours till I die.
So Neha, what’s your decision on this one. I have had many moments of self thinking last week and I partly know what I want? What do you say? Should I pack my bags and take the next train back home?
Note: I am participating in #AtoZchallenge and this blog is my entry for letter H.