Do you know what is the basis of a strong marriage? or any strong relationship for that matter?
An open and a honest communication.
When the bad phase started for us, we hardly ever spent time sitting together. I had closed myself to communications, as I did not want to be a cribbing wife. He had found friends outside, so there was hardly anything to discuss other than the routine.
Now, I realize I should have been more open. I had accumulated hurt because of family issues, and everyone other than him knew how I felt about living in the joint family.
And he already pushed by his friends, thought it was cool to have a girlfriend. Had we been more available to each other, maybe such a thing won’t have happened.
I realized this last year, and from then on we started telling each other how we felt about each other, our daily routines, our problems at work, at home and our evergreen parental problems and unlike earlier, we would never go to sleep without talking to each other even on a busy day.
Yet, we were not completely transparent. He and his girlfriend had parted long before I had come to know. In-fact, he had thought I would never come to know, because he had left it behind.
Truth can never be hidden, so it came out one day, from an old Facebook messenger requests which like fools I had never bothered to open. Even then, may be out of fear or guilt, he did not tell me the complete truth.
I like a maniac, started searching his mails, and there I found proofs. Her photos, Hotel bookings, all was still there intact. Such was the confidence we had in each other. I never thought,he could do this, and he never thought I would ever open his mails.
Neither, I acknowledged that I was suffering day in and day out. In front of him, I would play that I was absolutely cool. No problems, whatsoever, but the moment he was out of sight I would panic, even though it would be just going to work daily. I was more hurt by the fact that he never needed me even to come out of it while I had become more dependent on him.
I would always be proud of the fact, that we would never fight. The truth however, was that we both would never bring up the topic which would hurt each other.
We loved each other and cared for each other even during that episode, but we could not hurt each other. In the end, we ended up hurting so much, he by having an extramarital and I by running away.
Even we started correcting what had gone wrong, we still failed to express our bad feelings, hurts,fears and rejections. We started communicating about good feelings, but tossed the bad ones aside, hoping them to die.
I realize now, we should be more expressive of our feelings, expectations should be minimum, but whatever, should be clear cut and spoken out.
Do you think, we will be able to work this out?
Note: I am participating in #AtoZchallenge and this blog is my entry for letter E.