The last 72 hours made me look back on me from outside. I had always been a Dreamer, an escapist, a die-hard romantic and I forgot that life is not a fairy tale. Life is a struggle, and you have to live it, fight it and get going.
I did not have a fairy tale life, but when we met, I thought of him as my Prince Charming.
I had always been a rebel. I would question every little thing which I could not understand by logic. Remember, I had even questioned, the Indian marriages. For me, all the traditions were just a superstition.
He was always the practical one. He would sit by me and make me understand that, it all was for our parent’s happiness. That we should be selective in our fights.
I could accept myself to make a mistake, but for me he was a perfection. He could not make a mistake, that too of breaching the vows of marriage.
For the last year and a half all what I had been doing was being stuck to that perfect dream, and I could not come to terms with the revelation that neither I nor my husband, or our family was perfect.
He had been trying from the day he walked out of that mess willingly, though I was unaware of it.
When I came to know, he understood what it did to me, and he tried harder. I was still stuck in the grief of not what he had done, but in the loss of that bubble of perfectness.
Now, when I see from here, I understand that how for the past year our relationship had strengthened. Being there, it was difficult for me to understand.
Bad stuff happens every now and then, and you have to accept it and move on. He had been trying hard to make me understand this, but I had closed myself.
He wanted me to give him a chance wholeheartedly. I gave him that chance, but I kept thinking of all that he had done, and didn’t bother about what he had been doing now.
He knew he was the one who had wronged me, so he never came and discussed my feelings. Whenever we spoke about it, he was ashamed and wanted the conversation to pass. I thought that he was still hiding things from me.
As in dreams, I started weaving a bad dream and didn’t want to believe that the worst was over, and I had to start hoping for the better.
Dream ,but do not get caught in those dreams. Forget the bad ones. Nurture and give your best to make the best ones happen. But having seen a dream, do not spoil reality, by getting engrossed in it.
I roamed around the city today, and I so much wanted to be with him. I remembered the last year and how we had tried to take time out to be together like when we had first met. Later, I spoke to him again.
I asked him, if he was hurt with my running away. He told me yes, he had been hurt, but now he understood what I had been feeling throughout the past year.
Suddenly, I am missing both of them. But it is still too early to go back, or may be its my heart getting fonder in absence.
Note: I am participating in #AtoZchallenge and this blog is my entry for letter D.