War zone

This time I promised myself, I will not bend. I will not ask Sorry, nor will I message him. No, Absolutely No, I will not call him first. I stomp away from the room, banging the door loudly.

I reach my office angry, waiting to pounce on the first one who commits mistake.

A hour passes by, I pick up my phone. Check what’s app, check messenger, double check if I missed any call.

Another hour, I check if my WiFi is working. May be it’s too slow. I switch on the cellular to double check if I missed something.

“Ok Fine, you do not care about me! Couldn’t even sent a message to ask if I am ok.” I type my rapid fire of questions, then delete them again.”

Tick Tock, another hour chimes, I can’t wait anymore. My patience is running out. I pick up the phone, go to favorites where his number is saved. Should I dial/ Should I not? I keep looking at the number, as if the number would answer me.

Finally, after an hour it’s a panic. I can no longer stop myself. I type an angry message. He replies back. Obviously, at work he is busy, and unlike me can shut his emotional part of brain. He tries to send a neutral reply. I’m still not calm. It was his fault. He should have said sorry. He should have tried to make up. Instead it’s me who messaged and what a reply I get.

My anger climbs up another ladder. How dare he? How can he be so calm, yet I am the one who’s smoking like a barbecue. Angry, I block him on what’s app, messenger wherever I can. Even I put his number on blocked list, so that my smartphone warns me not to pick it up.

A few more hours pass. I start missing him.

“He must be missing me.” I unblock him.

Still no message, no call.

The anger boils in once more. I should not have been with him only. This is the gratitude I get for loving him so much.

I type a few angry texts. He replies with limited words. And later goes offline.

I cry and miss my favourite coffee break. With a heavy heart, I drive back home, wiping my eyes at each signal.

Unaware of my emotional turmoil, he is busy watching TV. Seeing him so calm and aloof, i am like an active Volcano.

“I didn’t even have food today. Kept waiting for you to call me up/ or at least message me.” I shout loud.

“Janu, I was busy” comes his reply. “And you are unnecessarily getting hyper.”

I eat a little dinner and go to sleep red eyed. Later he comes to bed, holds me close till I sleep. I cry myself to sleep, say sorry for the umpteenth time.

Another day ends, Another fight remains unresolved.

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