Musings of a wanderer – A journey to nowhere. 

How does it feel, waking up in the morning, getting dressed up for the day and going to the same moron place day in and day out? A place, which you don’t even like, yet you have to go? I know you will judge me as weak. May be I don’t have guts to change my life. I don’t have an answer for you, atleast not now.
Well, as I said every morning I would get up from the bed with heavy heart, finish my daily chores and get ready to go. I would walk down to the bus stop. This usually took me 5 to 10 minutes. Sometimes, I would be slow and signal would turn red before I could go. There would be other people on road as well, some running, some walking, some happy, some sad. There would be people on road, people on cars, all running to meet their deadlines. It was like everyone was running from something, or running for something. I could not decide what was my motivation.

Engrossed in my thoughts, I would take that crowded bus and head for destination. The bus would take me through crowded roads, tall buildings, and parks. Sometimes the bus would roll smoothly, sometimes get stuck in a traffic jam. The hurry to be in time, the hurry to punch in, the hurry would be palpable in each beat around.

At times, I felt the loneliness within me would engulf me. All these people, all the world around.. could do nothing to make me feel any other way. Like a cactus in the big vast desert, I was succulent enough to survive, yet thorny to have anyone near me. I could survive the harshness of world around. 

Days passed and the same routine followed. Me running from everything, yet coming back to the same circle daily. True, I was too scared to move on. Yet, too broken to stay back. But still I would continue hurting myself and call it destiny. 

Probably this was my destiny. Many people are scared of the darkness, of the nights.. I was scared of the day. Those long hours when I would be awake. Each hour would pinch me why I am still alive. Night was a solace. Night was peace.

Day ushered in the endless cycle of work, commitments and social obligations. Last one was what I dreaded most. How to fake that smile? Some skills can never be learnt and this was one I was so poor at. 

A few days more i reminded myself and continued in this struggle. 

I looked around and found everyone stuck in this new era of slavery .. job .. where the employer brought u and u sold yourself happily thinking someday you will earn so much that you will just rest in your life. But will that day really ever come. 


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