Goa…..Go Goa Go

The most calm and serene place I have ever been.

Those picturesque beaches ending into horizon….the carefree attitude of the locals and the travellers alike, the honeymooners. Everything about this place makes you fall in love with the place and the people around.

There is this romantic aura to the air that you cannot help falling in love. So it was with me coz it was in this very place i found the love of my life. I did not meet him there, but i could not escape the love drunk air that created a profound chemistry, and i got drawn to him.

That was my first visit to Goa back in 1998 and i still can visualize everything.

Those clear blue beaches, dotted by coconut trees, those high and low tides inviting you to come and play with them, those lovely shacks on beaches, everything conspiring you to loosen up and get lost.

Those majestic churches where u feel one with the GOD…… there is nothing like Goa.

The next time i went there was on my honeymoon with my love and it was year 2004.

Fresh from the Marriage rituals….all i had on my mind was my hubby and we enjoyed this place more than the last time.

Just sitting on the beach side, or having a walk, there is an aura which creates peace around.

The big sea and its roaring waves makes you humble.

The sea shells, sea animals which it brings to the land and then washes them back makes u sublime.

It creates a saga of never ending love story and there is no mortal who can escape it.

I went again in 2011 and then in 2015 …..Both these times we had our little one along and now it has become OUR Favourite Holiday Destination.








Do’s And Dont’s

Pregnancy is the most amazing as well as the most paranoid time in a female’s life, Thanks to our culture, especially Indian scenario.

My son is 7.5 now, but still, whenever I think about those days, I still get jitters.
The day u marry, you are supposed to procreate or else Relatives won’t even mind asking Do you know how to do? ( though it is a taboo) ��. I waited for my doctorate to complete before I took in the plunge, so I had all possible sorts of reaction from everywhere. And If I would say I’m still not ready. I would be thought of as an Alien����.
Once the Good news chips in, there comes the other set of advice.
One particular I remember is Drinking Juice. I had much trouble keeping in what I ate so I would stick to eating fruits. But my in-laws family felt juice is the only nutrition … ��How could I make them understand juice is made from the same fruit. So one fine day, my husband in full josh picked me from my workplace and took me to juice shop and ordered me to drink One large full glass of juice. I obliged.No sooner I reached back home, I vomited full and couldn’t have anything till next morning. So that put a full stop to my Juice saga.
I think in everyone’s pregnancy one or the other eclipse comes to add to all the other problems. I was in my 3rd trimester when the same happened with me. And what a timing it had… The time office ends. How don’t u go out? Being a doctor .. I’m a little more cynical about these things. I fully remember it was just a lunar eclipse. As always after much convincing, I was allowed to come back home .. And after that had to take a rigorous bath and donate the clothes I was wearing.
To add to my worries, my Blood pressure kept shooting up in last trimester .. Giving me severe headaches, frequent visits to my gynaec .. And I was thought of as lazy, not willing to work, how will she care for newborn? Etc etc.
Their kids had been born healthy without so many visits to the doctor, and I could not explain why I needed one.
“So many ultrasounds will have a bad impact on baby!
Lol! I did not know what to do?
Ah to add the icing to the cake, my doctor told coz of the worsening BP we will have to deliver the baby prematurely. As it was getting dangerous to keep it inside. So my baby came into this world 1 month prior to his expected schedule .. And that too by Caesarean section, and on the day of another eclipse. And was underweight only 1.9 kgs
Couldn’t have asked for more… It was all my fault. I ate wrong in pregnancy .. I didn’t keep inside in eclipse. I got too many ultrasounds….
Could I have had just peace of mind wouldn’t it be better?
Now comes the Postpartum .. Where the only person wrong is the mother who has brought that baby.
So it was with me. I had postpartum depression . But all I had was scornful eyes and comments coz I needed my mother by my side.
My milk was bad
My everything was wrong
Today when I look back I laugh at many things.  But what I strongly feel is that this is a time when a woman needs love … At least her husband can understand and be by her side … But Indian families have to still come a long way
I decided never to have another baby again … But I sincerely pray that the sooner we realise what we owe to the one who brings life to the world better it is.


आवाज़ों का क़ाफ़िला है!
फिर भी क्यों तन्हाई है ।
दोस्तों की महफ़िल है !
ना जाने क्यों फिर भी यूँ अकेला हूँ ।
रंग ही रंग हैं!
पर सब बेरंग है ।
फूलों के मौसम में यह केसी पतझड़ है !
ख़ुशी के दिन हैं फिर भी ये उदासी है ।
बरसों बीत गये उस आँगन से विदा हुए
आज भी उस घर कि सब यादें ताज़ा हैं।


I Have been married for last ten years, 11th going.

And lately, I have been wondering is it really worthwhile to get married.

I am not into a bad marriage. my husband does not beat me up, and i do not undergo sexual, physical or mental torture. In fact, he respects my choices, loves me and cares for me.

I have a wonderful son, who is sensible enough to guess my moods and loves me a lot.

But then still there are days when I feel empty, need someone to talk to fill that emptiness.

There are days when I wish that like my husband i should also live with my parents.

There are days when I feel that like his mother and father pamper him, there should be someone to pamper me.

There are days when I feel that when I come home back from work, i feel at least someone should ask me how my day was.

There are days when I want to go shopping all alone, without anyone telling me not to pick this or that.

There are days when I wish to be pampered like my husband.

And then I ponder is this just the side effect of Indian marriage system.

And are these only for one or for both? Must be for both. Obviously, even Men sacrifice so much though not to that extent.

Are live in relationships not the right answer.

Both have their space without too much family interference.

I know that many will not buy what I say.
But is not good? Marriage is the end of romance,  that taken for granted attitude, too much mine and your family.
Just pondering …..

Don’t worry, you’ll be okay

Don’t worry, you’ll be okay
Slowing down is good
Wisdom simmers and steeps and grows with time
Stop pushing yourself
You are enough just as you are
There is no need to perform
Just relax
Let life unfold
You have what it takes to handle anything
Good things come from patience, not pushing
Let space and time reveal something miraculous
Trust life
Accept where you are
Right now
Stop the judgment and internal lectures
Just be here
Don’t run or think or eat or scheme
Return to yourself in this moment
Where life is perfect and peaceful and safe

So much to say

There is so much to say, but no one to hear.There is so much to say, but words fail me.

Like flood waters waiting to burst the dam, so are those unspoken, unworded feelings fluttering to break open the boundaries.

Like bright flames of fire, waiting to burn its confines, and step out.

Like school children waiting for the bell to ring, to jump out of their classes and rush back home.

So is something within me, urging me to free myself of imaginative boundaries.